We'll Find a Place in Time

It's been quite some time since I've felt any kind of "special" connection with any shows, such as the previously mentioned movies and tv shows such as Alias, Battlestar Galactica, ect. It's been roughly four years since any such intuitions manifested. Over the previous 2-3 weeks I've been watching "The 4400" which involves 4400 abductees who were taken from various times in the previous century into the future. They were sent back to the early 21st century with special abilities in an effort to guide humanity in a more positive direction to avoid eventual catastrophe.

I began watching it the first time when it first came out. I believe I got through the first couple of seasons of four total. However, I'm almost certain that I didn't finish the series. But the closer to the ending I get, the more familiar it seems I am with the series. This could be something as simple as a simple error in judgement and memory on my part. However, I'm just feeling a little strange throughout this ordeal. It seems like I may have dreamed some of the scenes in the series before I had watched them. Of course, my dreams are fairly vivid and often comprise of science fiction and action/adventure/spy intrigue sort of scenarios. I wish my imagination were nearly as good as my dream world.

At the moment I've decided to go through a period of sleep deprivation in an attempt to induce vivid and creative hypnogonic type thoughts. I am now near the 41st hour of sleeplessness. So far, I am actually feeling quite lucid and together. To note: I began having these feelings and intuitions long before I began the sleeplessness cycle. Once I am well rested I'll try not to wait so long to give a more detailed summary of my thoughts on this matter.

Babylon 5 ate my NaNoWriMo

The first week of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is coming to a close and I've barely written 1300 words of the 50,000 that I need.

Blame it on Babylon 5

I've been watching the shows for about 3-4 weeks now and am near the finish line. Like all good stories, this too, must come to an end (at least for now).

Something quite unexpected but not totally surprising has occurred whilst watching B5. I had yet another uncanny experience of being "aware" of a few aspects of the show. The show first aired on TV in 1994, and lasted for 5 seasons. I'm sure I've been aware of its status (or that it existed) before, but I don't believe I've ever watched an episode. However, I began having "awareness issues" concerning Ambassador Kosh, from Vorlon, not long after I was first made "currently" aware by watching the series in "real-time" (i.e. 3-4 weeks ago). It just seems that everything about him/it was familiar in a far distant kind of way. I did not experience deja vu nor do I believe I have watched this series before (certainly not enough to be experiencing this level of awareness).

The only other long instant of awareness had occurred during the situation with the Babylon 5 Security Chief Michael Garibaldi, particularly the who situation when he disappears, is taken aboard a Shadow ship, and is ultimately mind-fucked by the Psi-Corps. The Psi-Corps manipulated him ever so slightly but still enough to make him (Garibaldi) think he was in control of his own will, but in fact was not fully. 

Vorlons (beings of light), Garibaldi (not himself)... I can't imagine what these things have in common with me ;-)
That being said... I may dig into it at some point in the future. It's not like I don't have enough to think about already. But, that's the thing, one would think with OCD and ADD, I would have enough to think about.

The Universe can be a Sick Joke...

Oh well... Back to NaNoWriMo

Expect a form of Analysis in future stories (hopefully sold stories).

So Say We All

Last night, the final episode of the Battlestar Galactica was seen by those who followed and those who may have recently stumbled upon the story. The story itself is old, that of humanity's cycle of destruction, presumably by our own guises.

I began following the show last year, caught up to the current episodes in a hurry and was thoroughly enthralled to experience the story unfold at the same time as thousands of others across the globe had.

I was fairly satisfied with the ending of all the plot lines, however, I was slightly amiss at the ambiguity of the Kara Thrase (Starbuck) storyline. So, was she an "angel" and what other characteristics are there? Is she indeed the same Starbuck whose body was found in a raptor on the Earth? Did she become an "angel" after that? A different Starbuck? Too many possibilities. She obviously loved Lee Adama, so why didn't she stay with him as opposed to leaving now that her purpose had been fulfilled? Was she the same kind of entity, angel if you prefer, as that of the doubles of Gaius and Caprica?

150,000 years into the future and obviously evolution of life, humanity and technology occur. The entities that double as Gaius and Caprica are discussing the societal evolution and the cycles. Caprica says, "All this has happened before" and Gaius says (to paraphrase because I forgot exactly what he said)But does that mean it will have to happen again?

So, that is the question. Will we, humanity, follow other possible worlds cycles of destruction? And a subsequent species (not necessarily related to the aforementioned prior destroyed species) be "born" only to destruct in the same manner?

Perhaps there are those living amongst us, who already know the answer to that. Perhaps they help seed the unconscious minds of those who are responsible for showing us these possibilities? But that would take all credit away from the writers, directors, producers, etc. And I wouldn't do that.

What I do know is that there were parts of this show, (along with Alias, 24) that I remember having had experienced being aware of them before, a keen sense of deja vu that occur at key points within the series'. I post about them here, here, and here. Although I haven't had the strictest sense of deja vu with them, I believe both Lost and Life on Mars are also connected.

So, will it all happen again? And is it hypothetical or literal?

I can't say, although my evidence seems to reveal to me that we are experiencing situations that are very similar, if not identical, to ones we have already experienced. Or at least I am.

Regardless, here's to a successful series, one that we will miss very much.

So Say We All

24 and other tales - Oh, btw, Here is a pic of me

While I've been gainfully unemployed I've had the opportunity to find time to watch whole several if not all seasons of certain series. It began with Alias last year (in which I completed the whole series. I am caught up with Lost, Battlestar Galactica, and 24.

The funny thing is, as far as I'm concerned,The show in which you would think someone would experience deja vu in, is so far the one that I haven't. And that show would be Lost. ((Major update. You may now disregard the last statement. I had my first real deja vu moment while watching Lost. It was the very last episode of Season 5 at the beginning of the episode when Jacob and his nemesis are speaking with each other on the beach.)) With all the metaphysical and other phenomenon occurring? But I have experienced deja vu with Alias and Battlestar Galactica, which I've already explained on another post.

I made it through the first 4 seasons of 24 with no deja vu experiences. The familiarity began occurring in the episode of season 5 in which President Logan was being implicated concerning the terrorist attacks. His wife, and Secret Serviceman Aaron. All that was too familiar.

In season 6 when President Charles Palmer began succumbing to the failed assassination attempt and the Vice President attempted to take over the presidency because he thought the nukes should have been deployed. Especially near the beginning of the season when the two mostly responsible for the assassination attempt had the Chief of Staff "Tom ?" tied up in another room to keep him quiet, for the time, anyhow.

What's all this leading to? Hell if I know. If I knew the endgame, I may not have set up my presence bantering about it. But then again, I might have something more useful to say, than all ...... this ..................................

Am I A Cylon?

I finished watching Battlestar Galactica yesterday up to season 4 episode 10. Some eerie frakin shit going down. Gods dammit! I'm feeling that air of familiarity again. Jesus, that bagpipe tune. My anamnesis was similar, but it is still going on. Reminds me of the time in 2002 when I watched Impostor and when Olum Spensor looks inside of the alien ship and he sees his wife. Bam, the deja vu hit me very hard then. Also, in Alias, when one of the characters' wife is a double agent for SD6. I knew it! And it was more than just a hunch. While watching original Battlestar Galactica, in 2002, I had an eerie feeling Adama and Apollo enter the Carillon planet and discover a casino where the patron "always wins". At that time I was thinking about my entire life situation and saying to myself "somethings not right", Apollo say's "Somethings not right here". The gods be damned! Imagine That!

That, coupled with all the other experiences I have had, I am left to believe that either myself, or my SO is a Cylon. Well, perhaps not a Cylon, but an Impostor at the very least. Note that I am not saying that the Impostor is bad per say, but not what it is supposed to be. I am so conflicted! Not that I totally believe it, but, I know something is going on with me. And yes, I know crazy is most definitely an option. BTW, my SO is not in any danger. Whatever this may be, I've fought hard not to let the paranoia "trigger" an unexpected response. This counter-intuitive is VALIS or a VALIS-like entity.

Who or ... what, the Frak am I? Huh?

I am SO Insane

Okay, so I'm going to rename this blog to:

Universal Reality: Reality show from your friendly neighborhood Multiverse spy

Nah! I shant want to blow my cover.



Now, but really.

I believe I've already mentioned about the uneasy familiarity I've been sensing with this particular area in Georgia. Well, I've been watching Alias (the ABC series that aired for 5 seasons). I've purchased the DVD sets. So far I'm up to the third season, and have just finished watching episode 13.

There are 2 particular plot points to this story that have induced a deja vu moment. These scenes that I'm referring to seem so familiar. Just so you know, I did not purchase intending on finding cryptic information. If there is any there, I haven't found it yet. It's just the eerie familiarity that I sense.

The first one involved Dixon (Sydney's former field partner from SD6 who begins working for the CIA). His wife is killed by the "Covenant". And of course he is disraught. However, he insists that he is able to go out for duty, despite protests from Sydney, Jack, and others.

The second one has to do with Vaughn's wife, Lauren. Turns out, she's not as patriotic as we think. It's another one of those literally "marry your enemies" scenario.

What are the implications? Well, I wouldn't want to bore you.
Besides, do you really want to hear this from a nut?
Well, I don't even understand it myself.

For those of you who may bounce to this site, please read my "PKD Experiences" to the right if you would like any additional insight. Read from bottom up (on that list only) if you want a thrilling, but absolutely true account of my life.

Update

Something I knew could be a problem but I've ignored nevertheless. I have depersonalization/derealization disorder, along with major depression and who knows what else. I've decided to become a traveling healthcare worker temporarily (just until my family and I decide to settle down somewhere next year). This will allow me to catch up on paying my bills (those damned student loans, too) and perhaps save a little for a future move, as well.

I've been here just little over a week, and am internally attempting to stay ahead of the depression. Medicine, Effexor, certainly helps. I don't think I could live without it, no pun intended.

The area is intriguing and warmer than home (Missouri). Okay, since you twisted my arm, I'm in Georgia, but thats ALL for now.

I hate being away from my GF and my daughter, but this is necessary. That's the worst about this, not being able to see them every day. We did get web cams set up on the desktop at home, and my laptop, before I left. So, we have been able to see each other. Modern technology isn't all that bad, now is it?

But, you know me, the depression isn't all that is affected. I've also had a lingering sense of deja vu. It's not so much anything in particular as much as it is just the general set up. Who knows, maybe all this is supposed to happen? I wonder if I'll live long enough to figure all this out?

Also of note, with the exception of my most recent sleep period, I've had 3 consecutive dreams involving PKD. I think it's time to get to work! Writing, that is!

To the Future?

Shifting Realities are not so Cryptic

In November or December of 2002, while living in the trailer at 507 South Hickory, I had ordered a couple of books by Lawrence Sutin. One was an official biography of PKD, touted as the best one of any other biographies. Another book called "The Shifting Realities of Philip K Dick" was one which had various extraneous writings by Phil. Included were his own authors short biography for book jackets, various essays and a chapter in the proposed sequel to "The Man in the High Castle".

Also included were selections from Phil's Exegesis.

I would like to talk about the section of his Exegesis entitled, and bare with me here please:

"The Ultra Hidden (Cryptic) Doctrine: The Secret Meaning of the Great System of Theosophany of the World, Openly Revealed for the First Time (March 2, 1980)"

Yeah, some title huh? In this section, Phil uses his syncretory abilities to mix religions and mythic systems to come up with a possible "System of the World". Isn't it funny how he goes to extreme in mocking his title within the title itself? That's Phil, alright!

Phil claims to use the "highest sources" in coming to this conclusion, those sources consists of many of the worlds religious doctrines in an attempt to explain 2-3-74. His sensationally revolutionary occult doctrine he has derived is essentially this:

"We are dead but don't know it, reliving our former lives but on tape (programmed), in a simulated world controlled by Valis the master entity or reality generator (like Brahman), where we relive in a virtually closed cycle again and again until we manage to add enough new good karma to trigger off divine intervention, which wakes us up and causes us to simultaneously both remember and forget, so that we can begin our re-ascent back up to our real home. This, then, is purgatorio, the afterlife, and we are under constant scrutiny and judgment, but don't know it, in a perfect simulation of the world we knew and remember--v. Ubik and Lem's paradigm. We have for a long time been dying brains/souls slipping lower and lower through the realms, but the punishment of reliving this bottom-realm life is also an opportunity to add new good karma and break the vicious cycle of otherwise endless reliving of a portion of our former life. This then, the sophia summa of the six esoteric systems-seven if you count alchemy-of the entire world. Eight if you count hermeticism. We are dead, don't know it, and mechanically relive our life in a fake world until we get it right. Ma'at has judged us; we are punished, but we can change the balance...but we don't know we are here to do this, let alone know where we are. We must change the "groove" for the better or just keep coming back, not remembering, not reascending."

The preceding was as quoted in Phil's essay.

I was sitting comfortably on the couch, legs crouched, while reading this passage. Liza was playing or watching tv and Tabby was on the computer. As I was reading this, An overpowering sense of Deja Vu nearly caused me to panic. Everything, the same situation; me reading this particular passage of Phil's Exegesis in exactly the same trailer, sitting the same way. I've had deja vu before, but this nearly caused me to puke. I mean, think about it, having deja vu about reading something discussing deja vu. Okay, quick reality check, a few quick pinches, I'm still here, my daughter is playing happily on the floor in front of me. Okay, read on: This is Quoted below:

Phil: "Therefore it can be reasoned that Valis will show as few times as possible, and, if he does reveal himself to a person, Valis will becloud the situation so that the person cannot make the knowledge he has- hence the real situation- generally well known. (NOTE: This system makes use of my ten-volume meta novel. This is valuable to me.)"

Wow! This is enough of examination of this essay for now. I will go over more later. So Valis will indeed obscure any communication or relationship with it. This is of course, to protect our potentiality, of ending suffering some time or another. If too many people know about it, then the knowledge will impede upon our reawakening, and we may all be doomed to repeated cycling, forever. This is the Law. It can not be undone. I wish things were different, if I could make them would I? I don't know. In this system, everyone is given a chance, and we are all given a chance to help others, to be boddhivistas.

So, Phil, could be insane, or sick, hence Valis is not generally well known. I, myself have had mental issues, been in the hospital a couple of times. Valis again, has obscured itself. Even from me, because I still haven't concluded that I am indeed not insane. I could very well be.

I think it could have been later that night or the next night, but I was reading some more about Phil, the part where he and one of his wives see the "older" Phil at the foot of their bed. In my mind I said, "goddammit, Phil, why won't you show your self to me? Give me a sign or something, show me your here."

All of a sudden my big orange tabby cat, who was laying on the bed beside me, wrapped his teeth around my wrist. The bastard wouldn't let go. I had to spat him unfortunately rather hard for him to let go. What the hell? This was the first time he had ever done that to any of us. Tabby was witness to it, and in a sort of question herself.

Later we found out that most likely he was in heat, and this had started as a result. Male cats will sometimes link onto the females neck by biting on them. Well, we had that fixed, we had him neutered not long after, and that seemed to work just fine. Was this my sign? Some fucking sign, Phil. Thanks. That's okay, it seems I've been playing with some entity my whole life, anyway. It was playful much in Phil's own vein.

It was also around this time, in which I had a dream, that some friends of Phil, I'm assuming family too, were visiting with me in the trailer. We were exchanging theories and what not, when suddenly it became the general consensus that I was the spirit of Jane, his twin sister that had died not long after birth. Great goddammit, why was "I" the girl, was all I could think of. Think of it what you will, but I did have the dream, and I had never before postulated that I could have been Phil's sister, Jane. This could possible explain why I feel like I have written some parts of his earlier works, because I had not been yet born (not till 73). We were like Bill and Edie in "Dr. Bloodmoney". You'll have to read to find out what I mean.

Note: This does not mean that I believe I am/was Jane. It is just one of many possibities.

Phone deja vu, going back to school, move to another house

One incident I remember well in that house occurred one day when we were trying to get the electric transferred over to our name. It was such a big fiasco. Apparently, my mother had used one of the kid's name so she could turn electric on in her name, because my mother had owed a prior bill to them. This type of thing is typical with her. Well, the kids' last names are the same as Tabby's, and it looked rather suspicious to the electric company because she had the electric Britney's name and ran up the bill without paying for it, again. Naturally the electric company reps were giving Tabby a hard time. She was trying to explain what was going on. I could sense the desperation in her voice as it quivered at the uncertainty. I felt a nagging sense of doom lingering over us, and then deja vu hit slapped me in the face. Smack! Hello, we've been here and done this before, this exact same thing. You know it's true!

We eventually got the bills worked out. Another instance occurred just a couple of days later. We had come home from somewhere and attached to the screen of our front door was a note. It had something to do with a car lot in Braxton, just twenty miles east of us. That of itself was not remarkable, except for the deja vu feeling I got with it.

I started seeing my psychiatrist again and got on the right antidepressants and began to feel much better. I started reading more of Phil's books. They were like a therapy for me. His protagonists find themselves in much the same situations as I had all my life, and they said: "Okay, I'm here now, now I need to make a plan and use it to the best of my advantage", be it they find themselves in a parallel universe or another planet. Life goes on. And that is exactly what I had figured upon, as well.

I decided to call the medical technology program director at the hospital in Capeston and see if I could finish out the program, some how. Luckily, grades are kept on file for one year, and I wouldn't have to pay any more tuition. All I had to do was finish a few rotations I had started earlier in the year that I did not finish and go to a few lecture series, then I could graduate with the new class. Finished. That was all set up. Now, all I had to do was start working again to bring some extra income into the house. I started working back at Manpower at the Procter and Gamble manufacturing site, doing quality control and various other tasks on diapers. Tabby and I had the same shifts, so we left Liza at mom's and off we went. We started bring in more income, and with my provoking Tabby to move, we finally did. That house we were in was like a death sentence. Nothing good would come of it.

So we moved into a trailer at 507 South Hickory street in Trent. It sat front facing the highway, part of a trailer park. We got lucky, because the trailer we got was actually fairly nice. It had a decent sized front yard, the frame of the trailer had wood planked siding that looked like bark peeling from a tree.

Impostor

A few days after that I rented a video on VHS called Impostor. It was a movie based on one of Phil's short stories. Essentially the movie goes like this: a man who works for the government in weapons is chased down because the government thinks he is an android impostor. It's what the new alien threat is. They like to play dress up with human likeness. Anyway, the Earth's shield is breached as an alien ship crash lands somewhere in dense forest, near the city. And because of Spenser Ollums close proximity to the chancellor, and other decoded and deciphered messages, they have reason to believe that Ollum is a fake. Ollum, however, is convinced that he is not a fake.

The chase is on. Ollum's wife, Mia, is a physician at one of the local hospitals, and as such, both of them know quite a few physicians. Ollum contacts one of such acquaintances and arranges for a body scan to prove his innocence, and that there is no bomb inside him. He is on the chase again before the scan finishes. He arranges to meet with his wife where they first met, which was also where they had spent the last weekend and is near where the Centaurian ship crash landed Quickly following Mia is the government, which sneaks up on them. Ollum and his wife quickly dash away and look for the alien craft. They find it not too far from where they were. After they clear debris around the hatch, they open it. Inside is Ollum's wife, Mia, throat apparently slit. Lifeless. Ollum looks at Mia in surprise, as she backs away, in disbelief of her new identity.

When they first open the hatch and we see the real, dead Mia I had an immense feeling of deja vu wash over me. It's like I had watched that movie before, right here in this spot with Tabby. It was so real of a memory it was unbelievable, even for me. Back to the movie. One of the other officers calls out the leads name to get him to come over. The lead does. Apparently it was another hatch, and when opened it revealed Ollum, himself. The real Ollum Spencer. The lead looks at the real Ollum and then back at the impostor Ollum the impostor sees himself in the hatch, and leashes out a horrid expression of disbelief. Then a bomb explodes, incinerating everything within probably a twenty mile radius.

The movie was dark, as well as the concept and overall theme, which Philip Dick constantly expounds upon in his stories and novels. But that moment of deja vu, it was incredible.