Desperado

How many more times and in what ways must the Universe show me my way? Alter my course? Should I keep denying the inevitable? Let go? Give in? Surrender? Fight? A call to arms? A treaty, a truce?

How many possible worlds are there? How many realities? As long as there is still a possibility that all this could still be a coincidence, a play on statistics, I must remain skeptical. Until I feel... I know intuitively, then I'll keep searching, wandering, wondering...

About 10 weeks ago I was traveling to Missouri after having spent about two weeks in and around Taos, New Mexico. I had almost secured a roommate situation in Taos. Something for which I went to Taos from Pennsylvania with the intention of doing.

Despite feeling very much at home, there was much uncertainty and ambiguity about my being there at that particular time. I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. Therefor I set out from New Mexico to Missouri where I had planned to spend a little time with family while looking for my own place nearby. At least while I recoup.  

I was brokenhearted leaving New Mexico. I really wanted it to work. Living on such a beautiful and spiritual land and being around so many others of like mind was something I felt I needed at that juncture. If circumstances were different it would have been ideal. However great it seemed beginning again, even in such a wondrous place, seemed more stressful than I had imagined.

Living in Missouri would allow me to be with family in the general area I grew up. An area I was familiar with. My Missouri family and I aren't the closest but even that is a small price when one needs rest and a little support, even if it's unspoken.  It was also closer to Pennsylvania where my daughter currently resides. It's ironic that I can't be near the one I love more than any other. She's in her senior year of high school. She and her mother come to visit in Missouri a few times a year, which will provide me more visiting opportunities.  Pennsylvania has too many negative memories for me. It seems I am not meant to live there under my current circumstance, if any.

Being on the road, living in a car, even though exciting as it can sometimes be, can also a lonely venture. I felt I needed somewhere to stay for a while, to work on what it is I feel I'm here to do. My purpose. And part of that purpose is to write. So it was the frame of mind of regret, confusion, and reluctance in which I set out leaving the Land of Enchantment on the afternoon of August 16.

The drive to Missouri wasn't nearly exciting as the drive to New Mexico. I felt as if I was retreating, tail between my legs. Perhaps all I was meant to do was to get in touch with the land again. I did begin hearing the Hum again, after a two or three month absence. I am currently hearing it (very potently, I should say). I'll say more about that in a subsequent post. 

Was it really surprising that the Universe should send me another message? I was about 30 miles east of Tulsa, Oklahoma about 1:15 in the morning when the phenomenon occurred. About an hour before that I had been listening to 92.9 BOB FM and had use the seek function to tune in another station for a bit. I pushed the seek button again around 1:15 and it immediately tuned to 92.9 BOB FM. I looked at the LED display and to the left of the station information I saw my name "Marvin" in the display. It remained for a second or two although I'm uncertain of the exact duration. The song playing was "The Heart of Rock & Roll" by Huey Lewis & The News. The song must have been halfway through because about a minute later "Desperado" by The Eagles began playing. Curiously, it was "Desperado" that attracted my attention rather than the song playing at the time I saw my name.

Desperado seemed to be my state of mind throughout my entire life. Always searching for what I'm supposed to be doing on my own. Never having anyone to lean on. Perhaps it was time for me to realize that I didn't have to do this on my own. Whatever that means...

A few days after I had reached my destination I phoned the station to inquire about the playlist for that evening. I'm not quick to jump to thoughtless conclusions so some research was in order. I thought perhaps a song by Marvin Gay or any other artist sharing our name could have aired immediately before "The Heart of Rock & Roll". Unfortunately the playlist was unavailable. I believe if there was a radio personality with my name the lady I spoke with at the station would have informed me, especially after I had explained the situation.

If that situation was indeed meant for me, am I on the right path in my interpretation? Is it so baseless? By what mechanism was this message relayed to me? Was it a time manipulation, in that myself and other external events were situated so that I would see that at that particular time? If so, then it would appear not to be a manipulation of events by a conscious entity. How can one differentiate this from coincidence? If this was a manipulation not involving time travel how could this have happened? Who is my hacker? Where are they from? Was this done benevolently or malevolently? What do they want? 

As evident, my experiences often incite more questions than knowledge. I wonder if I should be tackling these mysteries and puzzles by different strategies. 

A More Accurate Description of the Television Anomaly

Dear friends,

Due to the fact that I'm shaking the dust from my memoir in progress it's time for me to come to terms and come clean with something that has been burdening me for quite some time.

There is a second version, and most importantly, a more accurate (I believe to be so) version of what transpired the night of the Television Anomaly.

Please read Description of Television Anomaly before you read the rest of this post if you haven't done so already.


What I experienced at the core hasn't changed. And I'm unsure whether or not there is any more or any less mystical or other significant relevance between the two.

So, in this second version as I am watching television I then see myself in the television sitting in the arm chair. As if the me in the TV was watching me in his TV from his own reality. A mirror-like reflection.

I see a mirror reflection of myself. I'm still at an angle to the television, and everything else is the same as earlier written. Startled, I stand up and change the channel. My heart pounds in my chest and I feel my face flush as I witness myself changing the channels, only to see myself in front of the chair, changing channels. Like I wrote in the first post, I bolt out of the apartment.

For some reason, this seems to be the version that really happened and the one I wanted to tell from the beginning. Memory is so fickle. Research has shown that as time passes our memories become more vague. The memories often vary each time we summon that particular memory or set(s) of memories, and can even morph into completely different mental experiences.

So there are two important differences in the versions

1. The first is of my head at a semi profile as whereas the second I see my face head-on but at a slight profiled angle.

2. In the first version I see myself within the "TV ad infinitum", In the second version there is no "TV within the TV"



There are at least two primary options for me to conclude at this point.

1 - The first version is true
2 - The second version is true


However, there are other options such as perhaps both are true to a degree.

This can be partially explained by lets say that the second version is true: It was a mirror-like reflection. Now lets say that at that exact moment, I had an OBE or an Out of Body Experience. And the position I'm in at that point (the OBE me) is behind the chair at an angle looking at the physical me at the chair.

This would explain the first inconsistency of the position in which I saw myself viewing the TV me, but not the TV within the TV's. I'm beginning to wonder if this was perhaps an embellishment on my part post Philip K Dick influence.

How could PKD have influenced this memory?

PKD often wrote about spurious realities and more important to this particular situation, multi-level realities. Realities within realities, ad infinitum possibly.

Alienus Tempus the Memoir Reboot

I have decided (once again) to work on my memoir. It is of the same name as the novel, Alienus Tempus.

That being the case, I will not have the first draft of Alienus Tempus the novel by the end of this year. Most of the groundwork for the memoir has been completed for some time, but for a reason that now eludes me I decided to work on the fictionalized version of my life, which would be the novel.

I guess sometimes I think that what has transpired in my life is so unbelievable that people would simply not believe those things to have happened. Therefor, I thought that a "fictional autobiography" (aka... the novel) would be a better medium. And though I do intend to finish the novel one day, for various reasons I cannot publicly disclose as of yet, I am compelled to work on the memoir once again.

I have no definite time frame, though I hope to have if complete and publishable some time in March 2015.

I will be keeping the facebook page for Alienus Tempus the novel active as I definitely intend to finish in the future.

Soon, I will be creating a facebook page for Alienus Tempus the memior. I plan that page to be more active than the novel page was. There will be several multimedia additions and excerpts to the page.
I will post the link when it is available.

I hope to see some of you there...

POTUS, Museums, and Falling Stars (or UFO's) Oh My!

I had at least two, possibly more, possibly interconnected dreams concerning what I think may have been DC and the POTUS. 

In what I think was the first dream I was with my daughters mother in what I think may have been DC. We were visiting museums and sometimes separated for individual excursions. What was most remarkable was that later that night I saw several falling stars or meteorites. They were traveling in many different trajectories and angles. Some seemed to be even "falling up" at various angles. There were no known meteor showers at the time.  I'm unclear if they really were meteorites or just could be classified as UFO's. 

The other dream that I remember involved the POTUS (President of the US). Some of the details are obscure, and I'm not sure I ever dreamt of the actual president of the United States. I'm not even sure who he or she was. The technology involved seemed to be current or slightly advanced. The situation was possibly a training exercise, although it may have been more nefarious. I'm uncertain at the moment...

God(s) Have Too Much Time

Indeed

Cease & Desist

Clarion Write-a-Thon

I just joined the the Clarion annual Write-a-Thon. It begins Sunday, June 22 and runs for 6 weeks. It coincides with the actual physical Clarion Writer's Workshop for Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers.

There are about 18 who actually are chosen from an application pool. When I'm published (eventually, I promise) I will be eligible for the actual workshop held at UC San Diego.

Please click on my profile and browse the site to see what it's all about. Then consider donating to the Clarion Writer's Workshop (through my profile) so that future students will be able to attend the workshop in San Diego. The fundraising goals will help those future workshoppers and will allow me to be eligible for certain gifts as well. If I raise $250 I get a critique from a Clarion graduate. I'm setting my goal at $100. If $20 is donated from my profile I can become part of a team of other Write-a-Thonners.

I have recently pledged to finish a first draft of my novel, Alienus Tempus, by the end of this year. If I can make my writing goal of 10,500 words, it'll be a great boost to accomplish that goal.

Hope you check out my profile and at least cheer me on through facebook. Thanks!

Clarion Write-a-Thon profile page: MDK's Profile


Alienus Tempus Facebook page: Alienus Tempus on Facebook

The Bet... And Just Whose Memory is it Anyway?

One of the few "vague memories" I have is of a time before my time. I suppose I could have been alive as I am now at the time, however I would have been not much older than a toddler. This is one of the few vague memories I seem to have had as Philip Dick. Obviously, they can't be my memories as I am. It must have been one of the times where I feel that somehow Phil and I co-habitated the same physical space, body in this instance. His body.

It seems I recall a time when Phil was talking to one or a few of his friends and he made a bet that he would survive physical death. I want to say that it was with fellow writers with whom he had shared this with. I have no idea what the stakes were. I just feel as if he made that "I'll be back" proclamation. 

For what it's worth, Phil won. Because somehow, he and I are the same... And, in that regard, he did survive physical death. It's difficult to explain. I don't expect many people to believe me, let alone understand me. 

If you've ever watched The Matrix, and I suspect many of you have, it is similar to a scene where I believe Neo or Mr. Smith is explaining how it was when Neo joined with Mr. Smith at the end of the first movie. To paraphrase... "It's like a part of him was grafted onto a part of me". As in "one"...

I've been wanting to write this post for a long time, but as you can imagine, I was hesitant. How in the world could I make such a grand proclamation without any evidence. If you didn't think me crazy before, surely you do now.  I was planning on some long, thoughtful post, but that time is not now. I do need to let it be known now.  I suppose, based on what I HAVE been through and faith, some may think it possible. I believe there is more that I could remember if I were to be examined and if I were to examine. I don't expect any grand homecoming or sweeping congratulations, etc. But, what's done is done, and I will find some way to prove it. 

The 4400 - Opening (Amanda Abizaid - A Place in Time)

We'll Find a Place in Time

It's been quite some time since I've felt any kind of "special" connection with any shows, such as the previously mentioned movies and tv shows such as Alias, Battlestar Galactica, ect. It's been roughly four years since any such intuitions manifested. Over the previous 2-3 weeks I've been watching "The 4400" which involves 4400 abductees who were taken from various times in the previous century into the future. They were sent back to the early 21st century with special abilities in an effort to guide humanity in a more positive direction to avoid eventual catastrophe.

I began watching it the first time when it first came out. I believe I got through the first couple of seasons of four total. However, I'm almost certain that I didn't finish the series. But the closer to the ending I get, the more familiar it seems I am with the series. This could be something as simple as a simple error in judgement and memory on my part. However, I'm just feeling a little strange throughout this ordeal. It seems like I may have dreamed some of the scenes in the series before I had watched them. Of course, my dreams are fairly vivid and often comprise of science fiction and action/adventure/spy intrigue sort of scenarios. I wish my imagination were nearly as good as my dream world.

At the moment I've decided to go through a period of sleep deprivation in an attempt to induce vivid and creative hypnogonic type thoughts. I am now near the 41st hour of sleeplessness. So far, I am actually feeling quite lucid and together. To note: I began having these feelings and intuitions long before I began the sleeplessness cycle. Once I am well rested I'll try not to wait so long to give a more detailed summary of my thoughts on this matter.