Desperado

How many more times and in what ways must the Universe show me my way? Alter my course? Should I keep denying the inevitable? Let go? Give in? Surrender? Fight? A call to arms? A treaty, a truce?

How many possible worlds are there? How many realities? As long as there is still a possibility that all this could still be a coincidence, a play on statistics, I must remain skeptical. Until I feel... I know intuitively, then I'll keep searching, wandering, wondering...

About 10 weeks ago I was traveling to Missouri after having spent about two weeks in and around Taos, New Mexico. I had almost secured a roommate situation in Taos. Something for which I went to Taos from Pennsylvania with the intention of doing.

Despite feeling very much at home, there was much uncertainty and ambiguity about my being there at that particular time. I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. Therefor I set out from New Mexico to Missouri where I had planned to spend a little time with family while looking for my own place nearby. At least while I recoup.  

I was brokenhearted leaving New Mexico. I really wanted it to work. Living on such a beautiful and spiritual land and being around so many others of like mind was something I felt I needed at that juncture. If circumstances were different it would have been ideal. However great it seemed beginning again, even in such a wondrous place, seemed more stressful than I had imagined.

Living in Missouri would allow me to be with family in the general area I grew up. An area I was familiar with. My Missouri family and I aren't the closest but even that is a small price when one needs rest and a little support, even if it's unspoken.  It was also closer to Pennsylvania where my daughter currently resides. It's ironic that I can't be near the one I love more than any other. She's in her senior year of high school. She and her mother come to visit in Missouri a few times a year, which will provide me more visiting opportunities.  Pennsylvania has too many negative memories for me. It seems I am not meant to live there under my current circumstance, if any.

Being on the road, living in a car, even though exciting as it can sometimes be, can also a lonely venture. I felt I needed somewhere to stay for a while, to work on what it is I feel I'm here to do. My purpose. And part of that purpose is to write. So it was the frame of mind of regret, confusion, and reluctance in which I set out leaving the Land of Enchantment on the afternoon of August 16.

The drive to Missouri wasn't nearly exciting as the drive to New Mexico. I felt as if I was retreating, tail between my legs. Perhaps all I was meant to do was to get in touch with the land again. I did begin hearing the Hum again, after a two or three month absence. I am currently hearing it (very potently, I should say). I'll say more about that in a subsequent post. 

Was it really surprising that the Universe should send me another message? I was about 30 miles east of Tulsa, Oklahoma about 1:15 in the morning when the phenomenon occurred. About an hour before that I had been listening to 92.9 BOB FM and had use the seek function to tune in another station for a bit. I pushed the seek button again around 1:15 and it immediately tuned to 92.9 BOB FM. I looked at the LED display and to the left of the station information I saw my name "Marvin" in the display. It remained for a second or two although I'm uncertain of the exact duration. The song playing was "The Heart of Rock & Roll" by Huey Lewis & The News. The song must have been halfway through because about a minute later "Desperado" by The Eagles began playing. Curiously, it was "Desperado" that attracted my attention rather than the song playing at the time I saw my name.

Desperado seemed to be my state of mind throughout my entire life. Always searching for what I'm supposed to be doing on my own. Never having anyone to lean on. Perhaps it was time for me to realize that I didn't have to do this on my own. Whatever that means...

A few days after I had reached my destination I phoned the station to inquire about the playlist for that evening. I'm not quick to jump to thoughtless conclusions so some research was in order. I thought perhaps a song by Marvin Gay or any other artist sharing our name could have aired immediately before "The Heart of Rock & Roll". Unfortunately the playlist was unavailable. I believe if there was a radio personality with my name the lady I spoke with at the station would have informed me, especially after I had explained the situation.

If that situation was indeed meant for me, am I on the right path in my interpretation? Is it so baseless? By what mechanism was this message relayed to me? Was it a time manipulation, in that myself and other external events were situated so that I would see that at that particular time? If so, then it would appear not to be a manipulation of events by a conscious entity. How can one differentiate this from coincidence? If this was a manipulation not involving time travel how could this have happened? Who is my hacker? Where are they from? Was this done benevolently or malevolently? What do they want? 

As evident, my experiences often incite more questions than knowledge. I wonder if I should be tackling these mysteries and puzzles by different strategies. 

Where's the Hum?

I've yet to update on the two dreams (one of which I had forgotten about) involving President Obama. But that will come soon.

Of note, however, is the fact that I haven't felt or heard "the Hum" in nearly 7 or 8 weeks. I am currently staying at the Salvation Army in Modesto (most likely not for much longer). It's a building that used to be a nut factory/warehouse (oh, the irony). It's a very large rectangular body, of the kind in which I would most usually able hear the hum. It's rather disturbing to me. I feel as if something may be wrong, or that I am on the wrong path. I'm in the veteran's homeless program and I can stay here up to two years, however, there are more cons than pros for me staying here. Not to mention that they take 30% of my income. I'm very restricted and it's decreasing the feeling of freedom that I had felt before coming here. Yeah, living in my car has it's disadvantages, but being trapped in my efficiency apartment in Pennsylvania (even though I had no restrictions) and then feeling trapped here has reaffirmed that I need to be mobile once again. I was hanging out in Santa Cruz before a severe toothache and infection brought me to the SA shelter. A relative of mine volunteers here (he himself having gone through the civilian program) and he told my mom who in turn told me about the program. This place is beginning to suck my soul just as Pennsylvania did.

I'm not saying it's a bad program, it's just not for me. The fact that I am unable to perceive the Hum is definitely a concern of mine. It may be nothing, but I'd still like to know what will happen when I leave.

A Hum Conundrum

I'm back... at least for a bit.

After several months of not hearing or feeling "the hum", I have felt/heard it over the past few weeks. Not consistently, just here and there.

I "water fasted" last week for the first time. My goal was to make it 48 hours and I succeeded. I'll go into that in more depth on another post. I'm currently fasting again. I began at 7:10 pm on Saturday 9/29/2012. I hope to go at least 72 hours this time.

I slept most of Sunday, waking up occasionally. Sometime around 7 pm I heard and felt that pulsating frequency I refer to as "the hum". I heard it again around 5 hours later. Having slept all day Sunday, I am now awake and hopefully will stay awake.

I live in a large house/building with several apartments, therefor I can not guarantee that the hum is not being emitted from some device in one of those apartments. I'm sure it's nothing in mine. There is no one living upstairs.

During this fast, I hope to meditate more and reflect on everything that's happened. If it is truly "the hum", perhaps I'll experience it more as I try to get "in tune" with our home.

The Hum - West Coast

The Hum had manifested itself to me on two occasions on the West Coast.

The first time was when I was staying with a hostess from couchsurfing.com near Monterey, CA. Each morning as I woke and all was quiet, I could hear that faint hum, like a gigantic engine from a distance.

The second "session" was the two days I spent at the USA Hostel in Hollywood. Each morning when everything most all was quiet, that faint electric pulsating hum could be heard prominently.

Spaceship Earth! LOL

Taos, NM and the Hum

I'm currently on the road (in my car, not on foot). I'm currently in Taos, NM - home of many important cultural and art museums. Many creative types - artists, writers, painters, etc, have made Taos, New Mexico their home.

I really wanted to investigate (albeit a short lived investigation) the "hum" and possibly experience it. I've heard the hum in two places just north of Pittsburgh when I lived their. However, a significant portion of Taos, NM (at least 10%) "hears" the hum.

Here is my original post about the hum when I first heard it in Butler, PA.

Sure enough, when thing were quite in my hotel room this morning, upon awakening I could hear that faint hum that sounds like an 18-wheeler from a distance.

Yesterday, on highway 64, just east of Taos, I got out to take some pictures and when I turned the car off, I thought perhaps I didn't because I could steel feel the "hum" of the car. It wasn't sound as much as vibration. And later, at the Taos visitor center, I asked a lady about it and she verified that people say the focal point is about 10 miles east of Taos. I found that after the fact of my experiencing it myself.

Very interesting.

The Hum

Since moving to the Pittsburgh area (slightly north of Pitt)and more specifically about two months now, I have been hearing a very low pitched hum. It seems to be more focused in my right ear and since I haven't been working in that time and it's cold here, I've been inside most of the time and that is where I usually hear it. It is almost constant, especially when there is low noise level (preparing for sleep or just waking up or merely sitting on the couch).

It usually is described as a diesel engine but I have also described it as a propeller plane, which is how I would describe it. When I hear it I usually can tell it is pulsating (actually, right now while I am typing this the pulses have slowed down by a factor of 2-3). That's interesting. About 1 minute and 20 seconds into this clip there is a simulated hum. Mine sounds almost exactly like this. Most of the time the pulses are not spaced evenly amongst each other.




Here is another clip from Unsolved Mysteries.








My daughter's mom (my SO)and my daughter live just about a block away up a hill with her best friend. I'm over there fairly often watching my daughter (more convenient for her and school) while they are at work. I hear it over there, as well. I've tolled my SO about it, she thinks it could be my tinnitus. Tinnitus, however, is usually high pitched sounds, not extremely low.

The most well known case of this hum is Taos, New Mexico, where quite a few residents are able to hear it. Most people say it is disturbing and even debillitating. While I agree it is disturbing to me, I mean... come on... look what else I've experienced.

I will have to admit, I have heard the Hum once before. I was about 15 at the time and we had just moved to a house just outside of a small town in Missouri. There was a 15 foot conifer tree just outside my bedroom window. I heard that damn hum quite often and it sounded like it was coming from the other side of that tree. I used to think that it was possibly some kind of extraterrestrial event or that it was a military application.

Back to the present: About 3 weeks ago, I heard in my bedroom a series of sounds that sounded like photo snapshots being taken. I also heard electronic static that seemed to not only come out of the radio, but from various other locations throughout the small room. At one point, it sounded like a heard a voice say... "Leave". I called my SO and her friend to come over and check it out. Of course, at that point it had stopped as suddenly as it had started.

I can't even begin to explain what the paranoiac in me is theorizing. I do know, I live in a "basement" apt. of an old typical northeastern house, almost like a row house, just not attached to any other buildings. There are 2 apts above me. The last tenant moved out just a few days after I moved in, and there hasn't been any renters since. I've been late with the rent (not purposely) and haven' even paid December's, yet the owners haven't contacted me. Humph.

The "snapshots" I was hearing (if it was projected by an outside source) may be explained by a microwave auditory effect. From Wikipedia "The clicks are generated directly inside the human head without the need of any receiving electronic device."