Not Feeling Well

Things haven't been going well for me lately. I can't work, can't write, and for the last week, barely able to get out of bed. The bed is not even mine. I'm in a sort of temporary group home run by the mental health counceling center I go to. I should have an apartment soon, though not as nice as the one when I was working. Currently on short term disability from the hospital i was working at. I'm finding it so difficult to get motivated. Even the extreme mysticism in my life can not lift me out of this. I hope to eventually get well and post more material, about my life, and about the type of science news that I occasionally write about.

For the few of you who check on me, I appreciate it, and please don't stop coming by.

Eternal Rock

Fingers of giant rock protrude and
Reach out to me, I've been here before
An old wise man once who appeared
In my dream chanted
Which way, to the sacred rooms
Forever, lost in Eternity
Only to be dreamed again and again

I am not a Terrorist

One would think that with the claims I have made and assumptions I have made, surviving relatives and ex-spouses of Philip K Dick would at least acknowledge my existence. It's not like I'm asking for your (excuse me, I meant Phil's) money. I know what part I had in the creation of some of Phil's work (crazy as it seems (hum...maybe that's why they don't talk to me)). You will not hurt my feelings, by saying you have no evidence of my involvement with the psyche of PKD. But hows about sharing some more of those Exigesis entries, shall we? It's something the Estate has been claiming it would do since the official launch of their website PhilipKDick.com.

I don't know, perhaps their are more PKD loonies out there than I realize. But you should know this, I AM the Real Deal. Movie adaptions of PKD's novels will come and go and eventually entropy would take them into obscurity. However, My Story will endure the Test of Time, and because it involves Phil, he will also endure. I have partaken of UBIK (twice, if you care to read my experiences).

It seems like the Estate thinks I am a terrorist, and they are standing by the "we will not negotiate with terrorists" clause.

Well Kids, I am Not a terrorist. I am the closest thing to your Father than you could ever realize. And believe me, I do not say this lightly. I understand that this could likely piss off quite a few people, especially relatives and fans. I do apologize. But like Phil said, it is likely that friends will misinterpret what he said.

Right now, I am working on a story that involves nanotechnology, government conspiracy, two dead scifi writers and one living. And my PKD related posts will be in the book just as that. Except they will be posted not by MDK, but by PJP - Phoenix Janus Pax.

So let it be Written

Eureka! What wonders it does in the progress of a story to actually sit down with pen and paper and begin toiling away and planning and plotting. I got quite a bit done in planning tonight.

It's high concept near future scifi so I've had to attempt to wrap my brain around the science (still a work in progress), but by-god, I think I've got it!


Now if I can muck my way through this mess after some sleep.

Just another Day

One of the many things of which I am disappointed with myself is the fact that it is very possible that my beautiful daughter will graduate high school before I have published anything. There are worse things, I know. Since the calling (7 years ago) I have written very little. A couple of short stories, one novella, and the beginnings of what I believe will be a break-out novel, but alas, I procrastinate. I also feel burdened and tortured by what I've experienced and what I think I know. I've been on short-term disability for depression, OCD (I get 60% of my normal pay) for about 5 weeks now, am barely making it financially (I may even have to move to a less expensive apartment). So yeah, I have the time, but it is not very constructive, while I worry about all the non-sensible things that happened in my life, and the everyday battles that are akin to every other persons problems.

It's like I'm afraid to write, although I know I do it well. I feel time is slipping away from me. The more I wait, the harder it is to start. Damn it!!!!

Ahhh! Sorry.

Just another day.

No Gamble

To my very few friends related to this blog ... I'm sorry for the drama and that I don't post frequently. Your visits make a difference to me, please keep checking in.

I haven't been feeling well and had to take time off from my work. Per company policy my position was terminated. I am getting a short-term disability benefit (portion of weekly pay). Not sure when I'll be ready to begin searching for new work. Certainly not now.

My next thought is: If there are any brave, courageous Venture Capitalists out there who may possibly have a flare for the hidden, and a gnawing sense of wanting to be involved with a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon consider investing in my investigations into what "ALL THAT IS" is really about. You know something isn't right. I am here to guide humankind to that knowledge and realization. Or so the evidence and personal experience directs me to believe.

I can guarantee my phenomenal novel that is titled "Alienus Tractus" to be complete in one year. I just need to be able to work on that novel, without distraction of other duties. US travel is important to the development of this story.

I'm not asking for much, considering this is a global commitment, and every sentient life on Earth may be at risk. Help me uncover the pentultimate truth, if there is one. Let's see where my writing goes, shall we. I will include names of benefactors in one way or another in my work, if wished.

Namaste

MDK

911, Presidents and Dreams, Oh My!

First, I'm still alive. The machine has not taken me down yet.

Today is the 8th year to the day that many lives were taken and the towers fell in NYC. So I will take various moments through out the day in remembrance of them and all the frailties of human nature.

Now this may come as no surprise but the past month I have had a few notable deja vu experiences, which I will summarize sometime in the near future. Of course, there were a few events timed "suspiciously".

I had a dream just last night that I was in Baltimore, MD and trying to get to Washington DC. That's about all I will say for now until memory serves me. It's "suspicious" in the fact that just this morning (after my dream, or at least I think) that there was a potential problem with President Obama's safety. Apparently the US Coast Guard was conducting exercises in the Potomac River near the Memorial Bridge where President Obama's motorcade just happened to be passing. Perhaps not at the exact same time, but close enough to lend credence to my dream (at least for me). Interesting.

Interesting!!!

To Live, or Not To Live

Now, that is THE question, one that can be taken to varying levels of interpretation. There are various degrees of life, and there are various degrees of death.

Personally, if my Yin matched my Yang I would perhaps be OK, but alas, I am not balanced. I am feeling out of balance, the Yin (Death) breathing down my back and the Yang (Life) gawking helplessly in the shadow.

I just don't know how much longer I can fight the inevitable

Blab, Blab, Blab!

I swear to god, I really need to stop blabbing about my some of my experiences at work. Nobody except a select know about some of the experiences I have shared here and who I really am. Not that it would be extremely difficult to determine. I have a very respectable career, one that earns a good salary and potential to earn substantially more. I know employers can not discriminate based on "beliefs" or what some others may refer to as "mental illness", however, I do not want to undermine my credibility. The Stigma would drive me more paranoid than I already am.

But, in the end, I believe I am doing what, as John Locke from LOST would say, "what the Island wants me to do", or "What I'm supposed to be doing".

Therefor, sobeit if I am known by my real name and am connected with this blog. I want whats best for humanity, as long as my baby is not sacrificed. Do not ask me to choose. In fact, it's a warning.

So Say We All

Last night, the final episode of the Battlestar Galactica was seen by those who followed and those who may have recently stumbled upon the story. The story itself is old, that of humanity's cycle of destruction, presumably by our own guises.

I began following the show last year, caught up to the current episodes in a hurry and was thoroughly enthralled to experience the story unfold at the same time as thousands of others across the globe had.

I was fairly satisfied with the ending of all the plot lines, however, I was slightly amiss at the ambiguity of the Kara Thrase (Starbuck) storyline. So, was she an "angel" and what other characteristics are there? Is she indeed the same Starbuck whose body was found in a raptor on the Earth? Did she become an "angel" after that? A different Starbuck? Too many possibilities. She obviously loved Lee Adama, so why didn't she stay with him as opposed to leaving now that her purpose had been fulfilled? Was she the same kind of entity, angel if you prefer, as that of the doubles of Gaius and Caprica?

150,000 years into the future and obviously evolution of life, humanity and technology occur. The entities that double as Gaius and Caprica are discussing the societal evolution and the cycles. Caprica says, "All this has happened before" and Gaius says (to paraphrase because I forgot exactly what he said)But does that mean it will have to happen again?

So, that is the question. Will we, humanity, follow other possible worlds cycles of destruction? And a subsequent species (not necessarily related to the aforementioned prior destroyed species) be "born" only to destruct in the same manner?

Perhaps there are those living amongst us, who already know the answer to that. Perhaps they help seed the unconscious minds of those who are responsible for showing us these possibilities? But that would take all credit away from the writers, directors, producers, etc. And I wouldn't do that.

What I do know is that there were parts of this show, (along with Alias, 24) that I remember having had experienced being aware of them before, a keen sense of deja vu that occur at key points within the series'. I post about them here, here, and here. Although I haven't had the strictest sense of deja vu with them, I believe both Lost and Life on Mars are also connected.

So, will it all happen again? And is it hypothetical or literal?

I can't say, although my evidence seems to reveal to me that we are experiencing situations that are very similar, if not identical, to ones we have already experienced. Or at least I am.

Regardless, here's to a successful series, one that we will miss very much.

So Say We All

Karma, it's Real

What a shitty day. I have felt physically sick, today. Work was a drag, and I'm feeling more blue today, than usual. It seems everyone in the lab was not in a particularly good mood today. I can usually wear a smile at work, even on the worse days, but today, it was just different. I knew PKD's day of departure was near this time, but I forgot it was today, until I was reminded by a blog post by the totaldickhead.


Last year, in the middle of February, I took a job assignment in southeast Wyoming for a supposed 6 week contract. On the way, I took a slight detour to Fort Morgan, Colorado to visit the burial site of PKD.












I got totally screwed out of the contract (their new employee was starting sooner than was planned). They said I wasn't a fit, which the Manager was full of shit. I can't really blame her, though. After all, I suppose it was supposed to happen that way.

Anyway, I spent a total of about 5 days there before heading back home. Again, I visited PKD's memorial.
Should have known something like this would happen. The pendent could have been there before, in the covered snow. In fact, it most likely was. I still believe I was meant to see it.

My new friend

I recently purchased an iPhone. My life hasn't been the same since. No, it's not because I've been hooking up with people with all those amazing social networking applications. Not that I wouldn't mind. It's just that it is amazingly addictive. With so many free and inexpensive apps, I will soon run out of room. Most of them I'm just trying out, and will most like delete later. As I get acquainted with my other lifeline to the world and the myriad of apps it offers, I will try to post a few short reviews.

Life on Mars

This first half of 2009 promises to be (at least to me) a good season for ABC. Of course, it all started with Lost, my favorite show ever. No less compelling in a slightly different setting is Life on Mars, which just arrived at ABC Fall 2008.

So much of both of these shows parallels my own life. I could devise my own exigesis line by line which would explain how all these influences came to be. That is a work that will never end, at least not with my life. Perhaps it can be analyzed later, most probably in the "Annals of Clinical Psychiatry & Interdimensional Travel". Well, maybe just a current clinical psychiatry journal. Heh! Heh!









The picture above is a scene from I believe the first or second episode. It involves the protagonist, Sam Tyler, and Anne Norris. She is not only the coffee server and paper shuffler, but she is actually a psychologist by education and is quite capable of performing in that capacity. She councils Sam and helps sort through some of the "theories" he throws around his head.

Hum... Just about summons up many of my own theories. I have personally considered everyone of these myself.

The Light of the Future

My sincere apologies to those who may happen to check my ramblings every now and then.
My time in Pittsburgh thus far has been fairly difficult, mostly due to not finding a job in my field, and with the depression.

Since, I have gone on to a traveling health care agency, and am now very far away. I can't divulge too much, other than the lack of sun is not good, especially for me. My internet is finally up so I can get caught up on my blog feeds, etc. I may have a job set up in the Pittsburgh area for some time in May. Hopefully, that will come to fruition.

I am given the opportunity to write being where I am, but I procrastinate still. It seems like once I finally do begin, I won't be able to stop and it will culminate in the end of my world. Yeah, I know. Crazy, isn't it?

I do plan to post at least once a week if possible. If I don't have anything important to say at least it will be an exercise in writing.

Sentient Developments has an interesting post about fiber optic clothing. Here's to a new era in clothing fashion. Read the post and let them shed some light (no pun intended?) on the topic. These are some awesome pictures. I could definitely envisage a few of my characters wearing this.