Impermanent Insanity

Alienus Tempus - Intro & Chp 1 (draft)

2011-11-20T20:27:00.001-05:00

Alienus Tempus - Intro It’s said that when you are in the throes of mental illness, when you are truly crazy, that you are unaware of what the reality of the situation is. That you are totally immersed in and absorbed by irrationality and delusion. So that must indeed settle it then. I am not crazy. Somewhat confused, possibly. It can be difficult to distinguish between the two worlds each

Frank Bertrand writings about PKD on Scribd

2011-11-11T23:02:00.001-05:00

Frank Bertrand has been a Philip Dick fan since probably before I was born. In the 70's and 80's he conducted several interviews with Phil, and has written extensively about him since Phil's death. I read a few of his articles when I first had the "PKD connection" on 6-23-2002. I'll be rereading those articles and even more for the first time. His writings can be found here at Scribd I've got

My Memoir Kickstarter Project Launched

2011-11-07T19:39:00.000-05:00

I've officially launched my Kickstarter project today. Kickstarter is a fundraising site for creative projects. In this model, one launches a project and sets a deadline to meet their funding goal (1-60 days). If the funding is not met then the project will not be funded. It is an all-or-nothing situation. Rewards (usually in the form of the finished product, e.g. books, CD's, DVD's, ect. The

Waiting on Rights

2011-07-04T17:04:00.000-04:00

I have a short story that follows closely my situation with PKD. It's a very condensed version, but it needs to be told before I can continue with any other work. This is the thorn in my foot that needs to be removed. I'm now waiting on The Estate (of PKD) to decide whether or not I can publish a portion of text from Phil's Exegesis Essa: "The Ultra Hidden (Cryptic) Doctrine: The Secret Meaning

New Blog Series by Charles Q. Choi from Scientific American

2011-04-12T01:19:00.000-04:00

I discovered this new blog series from a post at Mindhacks The very first post is here where Charles Choi describes the purpose of his new blog series. It is a blog about discussing with scientists questions that may science may be impossible to answer. Sounds like a winner!

Penn Writers

2011-03-16T22:48:00.000-04:00

Not too long ago, I registered and paid for a membership with Pennwriters.org. This has saved me the same amount on an upcoming writers conference in Pittsburgh, PA in May. I'm also attending a pre-conference seminar the day before the conference begins. This will be my first writing conference I will have attended. I'm looking forward to it, and plan to have my novel's first draft completed and

Robot questions its own existence?

2011-02-27T15:47:00.000-05:00

This is an exciting piece from Scientific American. Be sure to check out the video. This is the stuff of what good science fiction is made. Hard scifi, the kind where you create characters that are trying to reach an objective and you show your readers how it came about. Be sure to watch the video of the robot trying to walk/crawl

I'm Writing my Novel in 30 Days

2011-02-13T04:05:00.003-05:00

Not too long ago, I bought a Writer's Digest Special Edition, "Write Your Novel In 30 Days". I am reading through the meat of the "how to's" and have officially begun this day. I've had much of the first couple of days already finished - like, 5 years ago. However, I am going to stick closely with the suggested calendar. I've already got more than 10 key scenes, but most of them are in the

How much information is there in the world?

2011-02-10T17:07:00.003-05:00

ScienceDaily (2011-02-10) -- Think you're overloaded with information? Not even close. A new study calculates how much information humankind can handle.http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110210141219.htm#

Waking in two places at once

2011-02-08T22:23:00.002-05:00

I had an interesting experience Sunday Morning as I lay in bed resonating in and out of sleep.I would wake up to reality (while laying on belly) and open my eyes, see whatever was really there, and then as soon as I closed my eyes I would see another scene. This scene was a still picture scene (not a moving dream). It's like I was waking up to a different location (in space and/or time). Then I

I can't Read!!!

2011-01-17T23:46:00.002-05:00

I've been having this obsession for about 4-5 months now, that I will lose the ability to read, and I tell myself over and over again (in my head) that I can't read.I'm a writer; how can I write if I can not read. See the predicament I've made for myself.I'm also upset that I can't be everywhere at once and am not able to literally see things from another persons eyes. How fracked up am I? I

Story - "Regolith Obessions"

2011-01-13T01:13:00.003-05:00

This is a story I first wrote about 5 or 6 years ago. Mostly untouched since then. A little rusty. Hope someone likes it. Jesse kneeled next to the portable one piece oxygen generator, repositioned the catalyst for the eighth time within the preceeding thirty minutes. Once finished, he stood up with the pack in hand ready to hoist it onto his back, then took it off and set it aside, only to

The Hum - West Coast

2011-01-13T00:05:00.002-05:00

The Hum had manifested itself to me on two occasions on the West Coast. The first time was when I was staying with a hostess from couchsurfing.com near Monterey, CA. Each morning as I woke and all was quiet, I could hear that faint hum, like a gigantic engine from a distance.The second "session" was the two days I spent at the USA Hostel in Hollywood. Each morning when everything most all was

The Walk

2011-01-03T09:11:00.001-05:00

I have some unfortunate news to share with any who were following my walking blog. Because of medical issues with my right foot arch (Plantar Fasciitis) and previous ankle injuries included a fracture in my right ankle, I am unable to continue to walk.The situation in which we must find a ride to the place we last ended our walk is a difficult and unpredictable one, which will conclude in a much

Taos, NM and the Hum

2010-12-07T09:56:00.007-05:00

I'm currently on the road (in my car, not on foot). I'm currently in Taos, NM - home of many important cultural and art museums. Many creative types - artists, writers, painters, etc, have made Taos, New Mexico their home.I really wanted to investigate (albeit a short lived investigation) the "hum" and possibly experience it. I've heard the hum in two places just north of Pittsburgh when I lived

A Walk Revisited

2010-11-01T12:45:00.004-04:00

It turns out that fate has dealt me a little money to begin my Walk after all. Not much, but it is a start. This time, because of impending Winter, I plan to visit family in Modesto California for a few days, and from their walk to Point Reyes Station, and from their through San Francisco and following highway 1 to Los Angeles. From LA I will begin traveling East into our Country's interior.

Update

2010-10-18T10:40:00.003-04:00

Currently I do not have the funding to begin the "Walk Across America". Even though I would go in an nanosec if I could, at least some things have changed for the better here. I've met a very special friend, but I'm not sure if I should disclose everything about me, i.e. this web site.She definitely lifts my spirit I think I do hers as well.Currently looking for work in my field.

OCD

2010-09-24T21:11:00.004-04:00

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can be crippling to the sufferer, whether they have compulsions or not. As a child I had classic OCD (bad image in head repeatedly, then I had to repeatedly pray; or count steps until it "felt right").Now it's mostly Pure O (Pure Obsessions).For instance, one thing I keep thinking is that other people can't see me. Intellectually, I know this is not true, but the

I'm on the Road, but in a Car

2010-09-24T13:45:00.004-04:00

If you haven't been directed here by a search on Depersonalization, Derealization, or Bau gua tattoo then you probably have seen me in my 2002 gray Chevy Malibu sporting the name of this website on the back windshield.Thank you for visiting. If you take your time and peruse the site you will find unbelievable yet true events that have taken place in my life. One day I will write a memoir. But for

Walk Across America

2010-08-30T16:13:00.003-04:00

I was wishing to "Walk Across America" for many reasons, however at this time it looks as if this will not become an immediate reality. Mostly due to lack of sponsorship. There are so many reasons I wanted to do this. I was even going to write a "Position Statement" and I've already made the companion blog. It's "Impermanent Insanity Mobile".I still haven't completely given up on it. You never

Test Post

2010-06-03T13:43:00.003-04:00

As Im still in a transitional facility, I have limited use of my laptop, however I have my iPhone most hours of the day. My posts will not be large (as that would require more time). I will try to update more frequently.

If there ever was a rock bottom

2010-05-30T16:18:00.002-04:00

If there ever was a rock bottom, I believe I was there. I am now recovering from my vastly dark depression, and am well on my way back to my norm. Unfortunately I was so sick I had to be hospitalized and am now in a transitional care unit. I will be discharged from there anywhere from 4 to 6 weeks. I get passes, mostly on weekends.Thanks to all who may have meandered this way, and hope to talk to

Not Feeling Well

2009-12-25T22:30:00.002-05:00

Things haven't been going well for me lately. I can't work, can't write, and for the last week, barely able to get out of bed. The bed is not even mine. I'm in a sort of temporary group home run by the mental health counceling center I go to. I should have an apartment soon, though not as nice as the one when I was working. Currently on short term disability from the hospital i was working at.

Eternal Rock

2009-11-28T21:55:00.000-05:00

Fingers of giant rock protrude andReach out to me, I've been here beforeAn old wise man once who appearedIn my dream chantedWhich way, to the sacred roomsForever, lost in EternityOnly to be dreamed again and again

I am not a Terrorist

2009-11-10T11:39:00.008-05:00

One would think that with the claims I have made and assumptions I have made, surviving relatives and ex-spouses of Philip K Dick would at least acknowledge my existence. It's not like I'm asking for your (excuse me, I meant Phil's) money. I know what part I had in the creation of some of Phil's work (crazy as it seems (hum...maybe that's why they don't talk to me)). You will not hurt my feelings

So let it be Written

2009-10-25T00:43:00.004-04:00

Eureka! What wonders it does in the progress of a story to actually sit down with pen and paper and begin toiling away and planning and plotting. I got quite a bit done in planning tonight.It's high concept near future scifi so I've had to attempt to wrap my brain around the science (still a work in progress), but by-god, I think I've got it!Now if I can muck my way through this mess after some

Just another Day

2009-10-19T22:46:00.003-04:00

One of the many things of which I am disappointed with myself is the fact that it is very possible that my beautiful daughter will graduate high school before I have published anything. There are worse things, I know. Since the calling (7 years ago) I have written very little. A couple of short stories, one novella, and the beginnings of what I believe will be a break-out novel, but alas, I

No Gamble

2009-09-29T21:52:00.004-04:00

To my very few friends related to this blog ... I'm sorry for the drama and that I don't post frequently. Your visits make a difference to me, please keep checking in. I haven't been feeling well and had to take time off from my work. Per company policy my position was terminated. I am getting a short-term disability benefit (portion of weekly pay). Not sure when I'll be ready to begin searching

911, Presidents and Dreams, Oh My!

2009-09-11T13:06:00.005-04:00

First, I'm still alive. The machine has not taken me down yet.Today is the 8th year to the day that many lives were taken and the towers fell in NYC. So I will take various moments through out the day in remembrance of them and all the frailties of human nature.Now this may come as no surprise but the past month I have had a few notable deja vu experiences, which I will summarize sometime in the

To Live, or Not To Live

2009-07-30T09:45:00.004-04:00

Now, that is THE question, one that can be taken to varying levels of interpretation. There are various degrees of life, and there are various degrees of death.Personally, if my Yin matched my Yang I would perhaps be OK, but alas, I am not balanced. I am feeling out of balance, the Yin (Death) breathing down my back and the Yang (Life) gawking helplessly in the shadow. I just don't know how much

Blab, Blab, Blab!

2009-04-09T02:43:00.000-04:00

I swear to god, I really need to stop blabbing about my some of my experiences at work. Nobody except a select know about some of the experiences I have shared here and who I really am. Not that it would be extremely difficult to determine. I have a very respectable career, one that earns a good salary and potential to earn substantially more. I know employers can not discriminate based on "

So Say We All

2009-03-21T05:21:00.007-04:00

Last night, the final episode of the Battlestar Galactica was seen by those who followed and those who may have recently stumbled upon the story. The story itself is old, that of humanity's cycle of destruction, presumably by our own guises. I began following the show last year, caught up to the current episodes in a hurry and was thoroughly enthralled to experience the story unfold at the same

Karma, it's Real

2009-03-03T01:48:00.011-05:00

What a shitty day. I have felt physically sick, today. Work was a drag, and I'm feeling more blue today, than usual. It seems everyone in the lab was not in a particularly good mood today. I can usually wear a smile at work, even on the worse days, but today, it was just different. I knew PKD's day of departure was near this time, but I forgot it was today, until I was reminded by a blog post by

My new friend

2009-02-25T03:17:00.003-05:00

I recently purchased an iPhone. My life hasn't been the same since. No, it's not because I've been hooking up with people with all those amazing social networking applications. Not that I wouldn't mind. It's just that it is amazingly addictive. With so many free and inexpensive apps, I will soon run out of room. Most of them I'm just trying out, and will most like delete later. As I get

Life on Mars

2009-02-08T04:45:00.011-05:00

This first half of 2009 promises to be (at least to me) a good season for ABC. Of course, it all started with Lost, my favorite show ever. No less compelling in a slightly different setting is Life on Mars, which just arrived at ABC Fall 2008. So much of both of these shows parallels my own life. I could devise my own exigesis line by line which would explain how all these influences came to be.

The Light of the Future

2009-02-01T19:52:00.005-05:00

My sincere apologies to those who may happen to check my ramblings every now and then.My time in Pittsburgh thus far has been fairly difficult, mostly due to not finding a job in my field, and with the depression.Since, I have gone on to a traveling health care agency, and am now very far away. I can't divulge too much, other than the lack of sun is not good, especially for me. My internet is

The Hum

2008-12-21T08:08:00.007-05:00

Since moving to the Pittsburgh area (slightly north of Pitt)and more specifically about two months now, I have been hearing a very low pitched hum. It seems to be more focused in my right ear and since I haven't been working in that time and it's cold here, I've been inside most of the time and that is where I usually hear it. It is almost constant, especially when there is low noise level (

It Hurts

2008-12-18T14:08:00.002-05:00

Don't ever drink a liter of vodka in just a couple hours. My abdomen has been hurting for almost a week now. I think it may be pancreatitis. No job, no insurance, I guess I'll have to go to the ER. Shit.

18 Years

2008-12-14T18:06:00.007-05:00

Today marks the 18th year that I have been in a chronic "depersonalized" state. I'd like to say I've overcame some part of it, been somewhat successful, but alas, I can not at this point. I haven't had a steady job in almost a year, the Universe seems to be "dicking" me around. Ironic huh? 3-4 months behind on my car payment, don't have the rent, been out of blood pressure medicine for 2 months,

24 and other tales - Oh, btw, Here is a pic of me

2008-12-09T05:33:00.010-05:00

While I've been gainfully unemployed I've had the opportunity to find time to watch whole several if not all seasons of certain series. It began with Alias last year (in which I completed the whole series. I am caught up with Lost, Battlestar Galactica, and 24. The funny thing is, as far as I'm concerned,The show in which you would think someone would experience deja vu in, is so far the one that

Am I A Cylon?

2008-10-10T01:21:00.010-04:00

I finished watching Battlestar Galactica yesterday up to season 4 episode 10. Some eerie frakin shit going down. Gods dammit! I'm feeling that air of familiarity again. Jesus, that bagpipe tune. My anamnesis was similar, but it is still going on. Reminds me of the time in 2002 when I watched Impostor and when Olum Spensor looks inside of the alien ship and he sees his wife. Bam, the deja vu hit

The TV is N My Head the Cylon Said

2008-10-03T01:32:00.008-04:00

A friend of mine has loaned me the full set of Battlestar Galactica episodes. All the hooplah about the Cylons having "souls" as much as the Humans do merits much thought as today in "our" world, many humans believe that other life forms that are not human do not possess a soul. Scientifically speaking of course, there is no evidence of a soul, anyhow. Instead the nearest topic that could be

"Real Therapy" - A Short Story

2008-09-28T23:59:00.019-04:00

I wrote this story at least 2 years ago, and just looked at it a few days ago. Made a few minor changes here and there. Although it may not be ready for publication, I hope to get a few readers and hopefully suggestions and/or comments. So, I'd like to present to you